Can you spare a penny (Transcript)
TRANSCRIPT (CAN YOU SPARE A PENNY) Can you spare a penny episode Narrator: Closing time at the Krusty Krab. Mr. Krabs: the change in the cash register 51, 52, 53... Squidward: his suction cups 29, 30, 31... SpongeBob: in synchronization 1, 2, 3. 1, 2, 3... Nick: patties 97,98,99,100,101... Squidward: Mr. Krabs, can we please go now? Mr. Krabs: Perhaps, one of our more loyal workers can enlighten you on company policy. SpongeBob: The Krusty Krab Employee Manual; 2nd Revised Edition; Page 35; Section 19; Clause 3a, states: All staff must remain on the premises until the days receipts are fully accounted for. Squidward: But that's not fair! SpongeBob: Clause 3b: The provider reserves the right to be unfair. Squidward: Teacher's pet. Mr. Krabs: Let's see... money in register ...5, 10, 25, blue, applesauce. Everything looks to be in order...except, gasps, where is it? apart the register in search of something Where is it? Squidward: What? Mr. Krabs: My penny! Me special penny! The first penny I ever made! I always keep it in the back of the register for luck! Squidward: Well, I haven't seen it. Mr. Krabs: Hmmm, are you prepared to say that with your hand on top of a stack of interpretive dance quarterlies? Squidward: Oh course I'm...what are you saying? Mr. Krabs: Me? I ain't saying nothing that would matter to anyone who would be able to take a lie detector test! Squidward: You're saying something! Mr. Krabs: Heavens to Betsy, no. It's just that me lucky penny's gone missin', and you've been working the register all day! Squidward: Are you accusing me of something? Mr. Krabs: Well, the way I see it there are three possibilities: One, you stole it; Two, Ya stole it; Or three, YOU STOLE IT! Squidward: Enraged I DIDN'T TAKE YOUR PRECIOUS PENNY!! Mr. Krabs: Show me your tentacles. Squidward: WHAT?! Mr. Krabs: I wanna see every suction cup. Squidward: Mr. Krabs eyes with his tentacles in anger HERE! HERE! HERE! See 'em?! away enraged Mr. Krabs: You, you can't do that to me! I'm your boss! Squidward: Not anymore, Mr. Krabs. I quit! hat down but hat falls in slow motion SpongeBob: gasps No! saves hat on a pillow Whew. Squidward: I'm out of here! SpongeBob and Nick: Squidward, you're making a big mistake! Squidward: Mistake? Ha! The only mistake I ever made was wasting my life at the Krusty Krab! Nick: But a visit to the Krusty Krab makes everyone happy. And what could be better than serving up smiles? really big Squidward: Being dead, or anything else! SpongeBob: I never knew you felt so strongly about it. Squidward: Where have you been? Nick: Well, I guess I can't stop you, but Squidward, it's a cold, cold world out there. No one's going to serve you happiness on a silver platter. appears with cookies on a silver platter and offers SpongeBob and Nick a cookie Sadie: Free sample? SpongeBob and Nick: Cookies! take one, and eat them Squidward: Can I have one--? is already gone Nick: Anyways, I just want you to know, if you ever get in trouble come find me. I'll take care of you. 'Cause you and me... Squidward and SpongeBob pulls them toward himself ...we're like brothers, only closer. Squidward's shirt and their hearts are joined together beating then Squidward screams, and separates them Squidward: Nickolas and SpongeBob, I don't need your help. I am ready to unlock my potential. I could be anything I set my mind to. himself in various following jobs I could be a football player, or a king, or a spaceman. SpongeBob: Or a football playing king in space...with a mustache. Squidward: Yeah...uh-huh. Ya know, that reminds me, there's been something I've been wanting to say to you since the day we met... Goodbye. Next time you see me, this town will be eating out of the palm of my hands! to a homeless Squidward in a box trying to get spare change in a cup from passersby Spare change? Spare change, ma'am? SpongeBob and Nick: Squidward? Squidward, is that you? Squidward: Uh, I , uh... his box SpongeBob: It's me, SpongeBob. Nick: And me, Nick. SpongeBob: his box up We used to work together. Squidward: SpongeBob? Nick? SpongeBob: There ya go. So, where you living these days? Fish: Squidward Tentacles? Squidward: Yes? Fish: Sign here please. signs and the fish takes his box Squidward: Uh...no--where. SpongeBob: That's great. And have you been doing with yourself? No wait, let me guess...Hmmm...I see you've been working on that mustache, the tattered clothes, the awful smell...you're a football player? Squidward: No. SpongeBob: A spaceman? Squidward: No. Nick: A football playing king in spa-- Squidward: Don't you get it? I'm a loser! I lost my job, my home, everything! SpongeBob: gasps Even your paintings? Squidward: Nobody would take them. So I had to eat them. shown to have a rectangular shape from his eaten painting. Squidward starts to cry out a fountain of tears into SpongeBob. SpongeBob soaks it up and becomes bigger but squishes himself to let the water out SpongeBob: There, there. You can come live with me. Nick: Hey, us. SpongeBob: at SpongeBob's house Here you go, Squidward. You can sleep in my bed. is laying in SpongeBob's bed Squidward: Ok, but just until I get a job. one day...two days tops. SpongeBob: talk Nonsense. You stay as long as you need to. Squidward on his forehead Goodnight, my little angel. next morning SpongeBob rings a bell to wake Squidward Breakfast is ready! You're gonna need to build up your strength again so I laid out a big buffet for you. Squidward: And in bed, too? Aw, thanks SpongeBob. SpongeBob, I... Nick: Ahh! Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh. Here comes the plane. plane noises while attempting to put some food in Squidward's mouth with a spoon Squidward: It's really nice of you 2 to help me in my time of need. I'll try not to be a burden. SpongeBob: It's no trouble. Is there anything else I can do for you, Winner? Squidward: No, no, no. You've already...well... SpongeBob putting lotion on his hand and then massaging Squidward's scalp, feeding him grapes, spraying his scalp with hairspray and shining it, massaging his back then his nose, giving him a bottle, giving him an acupuncture, and polishing his head and seeing his reflection SpongeBob: Oh, wow. Nurturing a broken spirit sure is a lot of work. I'm bushed. Nick: Still, it feels nice to do good. yawns Goodnight, Gary. Squidward: Nick, can I get a glass of water? floor light turns on and Nick marches up stairs and turns on the light to give Squidward the water Thank you. Nick: Good night. back down stairs and turns off the light Squidward: SpongeBob, could I get some more blankets. marches upstairs turning on the lights on the way up there SpongeBob: Here you go. Squidward: Thank you. goes downstairs again, accidentally leaving Squidward's light Squidward: SpongeBob, you forget to turn out the light! marches upstairs SpongeBob: Goodnight. off light and when he walks downstairs he trips and makes lots of noises Nick: What a freeloader. SpongeBob: gasps Nick! Squidward is not a freeloader and he would never take advantage of me. Narrator: Three Weeks Later. SpongeBob: He's just having a hard time getting his confidence back. down Narrator: Many Months Later. SpongeBob: I'm sure he's close to a breakthrough. Narrator: voice So much later that the old narrator got tired of waiting and they had to hire a new one. Gary: Meow, meow, meow. SpongeBob: I know he still isn't looking for work! Don't rub it in! Squidward: SpongeBob, Nick, where's my lemonade? SpongeBob and Nick: Coming Squidward. Squidward: and Nick are running down the hallway SpongeBob?! SpongeBob?! enters his bedroom And why aren't you in uniform? exits room and re-enters in a maid outfit It's about time you got here. SpongeBob: Here you go, Your Majesty. Squidward: I can't drink that. SpongeBob: Why the @#$% not? Squidward: Are you blind? Just look at it. SpongeBob: What the heck about it? Squidward: That lemon has 3 seeds in it. That's an odd number! I can't eat anything odd numbered. SpongeBob: Fine, I'll just take it out. out lemon and Squidward gets mad Squidward: No! No! It's already been contaminated by a bad lemon. It won't work. SpongeBob: Hmmm, that's two things in this house that won't work. Squidward: Then go fix them. Nick: breaks glass of lemonade with his hands Two things that won't work. Squidward: I've changed my mind. I want soup instead. SpongeBob: OK. Ton't move. out the bedroom door and comes back in wearing normal clothes with a bowl of steaming soup Here you go. It's alphabet soup. I made it special. soup with the phrase "GET A @#$%ING JOB" in alphabet letters but then Squidward slaps it out of SpongeBob's hands Squidward: Condensed soup from a can? Disgusting! Now you've ruined my appetite. go fetch me something to read. Nick: Oh, OK. How about this? out a newspaper with the "job listings" page on the front Squidward: gasps Get that away from me. You know I'm allergic to newsprint. SpongeBob: chuckles Ya know, when you swatted that newspaper out of my hands, it reminded me of something a friend of mine did...at his JOB! alarm blows him away Squidward: 10:30. Time for my stories. Hurry up, they won't hold the show while you laze around. rolls in a tv and turns it on Puppet #1: #2 is whistling Hey, where are you going? Puppet #2: To my job. Puppet #1: You have a job? Puppet #2: Why wouldn't I? I'm not some lazy inconsiderate jerk who lays in bed all day. Puppet #1: Say, where can I get one of these...jobs? Puppet #2: Oh they're everywhere. Especially is you're green and have six tentacles. Puppet #1: Thanks. I'm gonna go look for one so I can stop mooching off my friends and they can get back to their lives. Squidward: This isn't my show. SpongeBob, the remote control is broken! Get over here and fix it! throws the TV away SpongeBob: I've got a better idea. Why don't I call someone whose JOB it is to fix it? Nick: on top of Squidward in bed You know why? Because when I want a JOBSquidward's nose done I get someone with a JOBSquidward's nose to do that JOB!!!! Squidward: What are you saying? SpongeBob and Nick: his house explodes in manic rage AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! bed out the side of the house and towards the Krusty Krab Mr. Krabs: on his phone Donate to the children's fund? Why? What have children ever done for me? grabs phone and throws it away SpongeBob: You want your penny back?! one out Take it!! Now Squidward can come back right? Krabs checks the dime through a telescope Mr. Krabs: Wrong. That ain't me first penny. SpongeBob: Then have some more penny's. out more dimes I've got plenty of them. Mr. Krabs: You can't put a price on me first penny. And I can't forgive that bildrad, Squidward for stealing it. SpongeBob: snapping, he grabs Mr. Krabs by the throat and holds him up in the air Listen, you crustaceous cheapskate! Squidward's been living at my house, driving me crazy! AND YOU'RE NOT GOING TO HIRE HIM BACK ALL BECAUSE OF A D*MN PENNY?! prehistoric penny falls out of Mr. Krabs' back pocket after SpongeBob shook him back and forth What's that? Mr. Krabs: gasps Me first penny. Oh, Penny, I'll never lose you again. SpongeBob: This is a penny? Mr. Krabs: I've been in business a long time, boy. SpongeBob: So, if Squidward never stole the penny, he can come back to work, right? Mr. Krabs: Aye, lad, just let the penny and me have our privacy. SpongeBob: YEEEE-HOO-HOO!! Mr. Krabs: Well, Mr. Squidward, it's good to have ya back. Squidward: Well, it's kind of good to be back, sir. Mr. Krabs: It's all water under the bridge now. Squidward: I agree, sir. Mr. Krabs: After all I'm sure ya didn't mean to misplace me penny. Squidward: What the...? What are you saying? Mr. Krabs: Well, it's obvious that ya put the penny in me pants. Penny's just don't fly into peoples' pants. Squidward: Are you accusing me of something? puts the maid costume on over his clothes Nick: Uh-oh Mr. Krabs: Well, the way I see it there are three possibilities: One, you put the penny in me pants; Two, ya put the penny in me pants; or Three, YOU PUT THE PENNY IN ME PANTS!! Category:Transcripts Category:Episode Transcripts